I was recently with a group of leaders. Mostly men, mostly in their 50s and 60s, all of them professionally successful by any measure. They were there for a team-building session, and when it came time to share something personal, something shifted.
Almost every one of them dismissed their own value.
One man, incredibly talented at execution, minimized his worth because others in the room had more formal leadership or academic experience. Meanwhile, those same individuals admired his skill and instinct, and quietly questioned their own worth because it didn’t look like his.
No one in that room was alone. But each person was telling themselves a story that they were somehow not enough.
This happens more than we admit.
We enter rooms full of capable people and immediately shrink.
We compare. We minimize.
We tell ourselves our talents don’t count because they don’t look like someone else’s.
When I was in uniform, I used to ask my Airmen to name three unique gifts they brought to the Air Force. Most couldn’t. Not because they didn’t have any, but because no one had ever asked. Or they were afraid to share. Or they honestly didn’t know.
So I started letting them “phone a friend.”
Someone else in the room would speak up and name what they saw:
You’re the one who brings calm.
You’re the one who notices when someone’s struggling.
You’re the one who solves problems no one else can.
And I’d watch it happen.
The moment someone heard their value reflected back to them and believed it — maybe for the first time.
We aren’t meant to all be good at the same things.
That’s not how strong teams work.
Your contribution might not be loud or obvious.
But it matters. It fills a gap others can’t.
Let’s stop writing off what we bring.
Let’s stop pretending someone else’s strength makes ours smaller.
And let’s start naming our value, so others feel safe to do the same.
Reflection Questions:
- What story am I telling myself about where I don’t measure up?
- What gift do I bring to my team that I rarely say out loud?
- Who needs to hear what they bring to the group?
Reflection Starter:
“One thing I bring to the table, whether I say it or not, is ______.”
Your Challenge This Week:
Tell one teammate what you see in them.
Be specific. Be honest.
Then name one of your own gifts.
Out loud. No qualifiers. No apology.
One final thought, every team gets stronger when people stop hiding what makes them valuable.
That starts with a leader willing to go first.
Always in your corner,
DeDe
If your team is ready to move beyond surface-level connection and build something deeper, I offer keynotes workshops that help make that happen.
Reach out through the site if you’d like to talk more about it.
